The presumptuous man…if he yields to anger and despairs of advancing in the way of virtue, it is evident that he has placed his confidence in himself and not God. (SC 11, Chapter 4)
All day long, my spirit has been unsettled.
First thing this morning, my ears caught the sound of my husband preparing his regular fried egg breakfast. I wondered if he was going to leave another trail of egg on the stovetop to clean up.
An hour later, it was the driver who missed the left turn arrow and kept us at the red light a second time. After that, I glared at the driver racing around me on the freeway entrance ramp.
Home from the store, working in the garden where God’s creation literally beckons me to stop and look to heaven, my mind continued to rehearse all the tensions of our neighborhood locked in a year-long dispute over management decisions.
Even as I prayed, “Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner,” my mind looped around to multiple unresolved problems. Would our neighborhood come to a decision without involving attorneys, would I ever find a part-time job, were my husband and I prepared for retirement…?” Each worry was linked to the next worry.
Finally, at the end of the day, I am worn out. When I am honest with myself, we live a charmed life. I am reminded every morning in the Lord’s Prayer that we have never suffered one day without our daily bread. We live in a nation where we are secure and safe in our homes.
So, why don’t our blessings shine brighter in my spirit? Why can’t I still my mind? Why do I dwell on problems I cannot resolve and on problems that may never become a reality? Why am I provoked by little things…egg on the stove…who makes it to the end of the freeway on-ramp first?
I know I am supposed to trust in the Lord, to take his yoke upon me and learn from Him. If only I could truly trust in Him, I would find rest for my soul. [Mat 11:29-30]
Night is here, the sliver of a moon is bright. But how can I possibly rest? I know what I am supposed to do, to trust in the Lord. But after my failures today, how will I ever manage tomorrow?
Question: Today, Lord, why do I fail to turn my worries over to You?
Lord, help me see the trust of a child who places his hand in his parent’s hand. Help me to be that child, trusting in you, my Father.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. [Prov 3:5-6]
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